You are mixing up the crossdomain.xml and the socket policy file. If you are using sockets then you need a policy server running on port 843. If you are just using WWW/WWWForm then you only need the crossdomain.xml on the root of your web server. So, your (3), (4) and (6) are irrelevant most probably.
You say that you have fetched the crossdomain.xml from the server, and this gets delivered correctly. This confirms that the file has been read, and hence you should be able to read any file from the server. What I am somewhat suspicious about is whether the crossdomain.xml allows you to post data. Set ENABLE_CROSSDOMAIN_LOGGING to 1 and see what diagnostic information is written.
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